Seasons of Marriage

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate winter…yes, it is a very strong word, but it is true. There is nothing about winter that I like~ not the snow, cold, ice, freezing rain, not the way the trees look after a fallen snow; not a fire in the fireplace; nothing. I hate winter! My favorite season is summer. I would live in summer all year long~ hot, sunny days; sweat; pools; l-o-n-g days~ all of it! I love it! I tend to remember all the wonderful things about the summer and all the yucky things about the winter!

Well, our marriages go through seasons in cycles, just like nature. And wouldn’t we all say, “I hate winter”. Who wants the winter season to come in a marriage? I really LOVE the summer season in marriage and I could live there all the time, but that’s not realistic.

Every marriage goes through seasons~ summer, fall, winter, and spring and just like nature, we go through each season more than once in our married lives. We want to learn how to celebrate and embrace each season~ to find the beauty in all the seasons.

Let’s start with winter. What are some characteristics of this season in nature? It is the coldest season; the days are the shortest & nights are the longest; birds migrate south; some animals hibernate; some animals store food to prepare for winter; snow insulates perennial plants where its roots are protected from the harsh elements; new growths are being prepared underground even though the plant looks dead on the outside. In winter there is a process by which plants become acclimated to cold weather and thus become “hardened”.

Has your marriage experienced a winter season? Don’t you wish that you could migrate south during that season, just to escape it all! Greg & I went to Cancun last January to escape the natural season of winter and the “winter” season we were in. We needed a new perspective~ “to store up some food to come back to the winter season”. It is important in the winter season to not “acclimate to the cold weather and thus become hardened”. How would you describe the winter season? In your experience what has that looked like?

Thankfully, spring comes. Spring is a season of new growth; rebirth, renewal, regrowth. New plants spring forth with new blossoms. Each day length increases. However, there is unstable weather during the springtime; warm air invades while the cold air is still pushing through. Flooding is most common during this time of the year because of snowmelt and rains.

When did your marriage last experience a spring season? What did that look like for your marriage? Spring, in the marriage relationship is beautiful because there is a freshness. Spring is most typical in the beginning of the marriage union~ new life; new growth; new blossoms are brought forth. Even in this season, there is a chance of “unstable” weather. As the warm air increases, the cold air (left over from the winter season) collides with it and issues can arise. But take heart, summer is coming!!!

Summer, the BEST season of all, according to Kristen! In nature, you know that it is the warmest season; the days are the longest & nights are the shortest; vacations are typical in this season; the ‘lazy days of summer’~ a relaxing nature; everything is in full bloom represented by green life; rain, thunderstorms bring water & life to plants.

What does summer look like in your marriage? We love the summer season~ we enjoy one another. It seems that nothing can touch us! We are well-watered and the blooms are full. But, because it is a relaxing season and the ‘lazy days of summer’ are upon us, we can lose our focus and not be on guard and alert to the enemy’s attacks. Even in the summer, we need to be soaked in the Son, interceding for one another; enjoying the time, but being alert so the next season doesn’t take you off guard.

The lazy days of summer move into the busyness of the Fall season. Fall is described as “harvest”; leaves change color and fall from the trees; football season; school starts; harvest time for the farmers; temps are warm, then cooling.

Greg & I experienced the harvest season last fall when our oldest daughter, Lindsay, got married. As a married couple, that was probably the highlight of our lives together so far! The training, discipling, loving, investing (time & money), teaching, disciplining, etc. that parents do with their children culminates at the altar. And to be part of that amazing transfer from infant to child to teen to adult to wife~ unbelievable. There are not words to describe the joy of the harvest season.

At what time in your marriage have you experienced the harvest? What have you sown that you have reaped? Or will reap? There are many examples of the harvest.

Every season will come & go throughout the marriage relationship....we will ebb & flow and not necessarily will the seasons come in consecutive order like they do in nature. We want to trust God & His promises in each season~ knowing that He is in the season with us. The goal is to thrive in every season of marriage!

Mud Cakes

Haitian Mudcakes

A couple weeks ago, four women (including me) had the most wonderful opportunity to go to Haiti to put on a women's conference in Cite Soleil (the poorest area in Haiti and I have heard that it is the poorest area in the northern hemisphere). It was a privelege to bring God's Word and His life and Truth to women in the most desperate circumstances. As an American, it is hard to witness the living conditions of these women, children and families.

The unemployment rate is 80%. Those who work get an average pay of $2/day (I spend more than that on my diet coke & water). The land has been devasted by natural disasters and the government's corruption keeps their people oppressed....very much it reminded me of the Israelites under Egypt's oppression. Jesus is the only hope to this nation! Lord, send a deliverer....hear the cries of Your people!

As we worshipped with the 600 women daily, we were all transformed into a sisterhood of the Beloved daughters of the King. Each one of us, God's favorite! Each one of us, praising the name of our Saviour in the midst of our circumstances! Each one of us, seeking the face of God! Each one of us, inviting His Spirit to dwell in our midst! After the 2nd day of the conference, Pastor Vincent (the pastor who invited us to come lead a women's conference) took us on a "tour" of Cite Soleil....to show us the condition of his city.

We drove for several hours and there was never any relief....homes, more like boxes, some tents, some a little more of a structure...but no running water; no electricity; no trash pick up...the images were so hard to absorb. In America, we cannot imagine such poverty. And up one of the streets, winding through a very small village area, we saw several women walking with their conference folders...they smiled at us and waved~ so excited that we were seeing their "neighborhood". And then Pastor Vincent stopped...and explained what was happening...As we looked on 2 women were stirring something, up to their elbows in a pot-like structure...mudcakes...they were making mudcakes...mud, salt & vegetable oil, all mixed together...then laid out to dry in the hot Haitian sun. Sold for a few cents/piece, but to the Americans, we paid $.25 each (4 for $1). These will be given to their children to eat, because there is no food~ no other option. Mudcakes...the practice has been deemed illegal by the gov't, but they offer no relief; no help to their citizens, so up in the villages, women work to make mudcakes so children can fill their tummies with something.....

Dreadful. Can you imagine? A food source made of mud~ parasites live in it...many get sick and even die from this as their only sustanance.

BUT, as I think about us in America, we too live on spiritual mudcakes. We do not fill ourselves with the Word of God, chewing on His Words of life; spending time in God's presence to be filled to overflowing; giving Him first place in all things in our lives; desiring to know Him & abide in Him; listening for His voice. Instead, we live on mudcakes~ filling our lives with things that don't matter; will not satisty; that even contain parasites that can cause us to be sick and possibly die. And what am I feeding my children, spiritually? Do I feed them mudcakes? Or am I cultivating their hearts to know God and feed upon His Word and His presence~ teaching them to hear God's voice and be still/quiet? Beloved of God~ say no to mudcakes. God calls to us; pursues us; loves us; desires us~ Do not fill your spirit on things that will not satisfy and don't fill your childrens' spirits with the mudcakes of this world... we have a choice, spiritually what to feed on. We are in a priveleged country in many, many ways. And yet, in some ways we are more impoverished than the poorest countries in the world.

I look at the picture of the children and think of my own~ oh Lord Almighty....physically, would you transform the mudcakes into bread from heaven~ give them fresh manna Lord~ that which sustains and fills and nourishes. And Lord, spiritually for us, would You cause us to feed on the fresh manna from Your Treasured Word...and refuse the mudcakes this world offers us.